Some Puns

Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Acupuncture is a jab well done