Thanksgiving

Things to Lighten Up Thanksgiving

1. During the middle of the meal, turn to your mother and say, "See, mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I am thankful I didn't get caught" -- and leave it at that.
3. Load your plate up high. Then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it is the new "Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake".
4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.
5. Bring along old recorded football games and pop them in the VCR when your father is not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game when he comes into the room. Then turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.
6. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos